we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
