While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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