Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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