It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
