the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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