You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
