pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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