After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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