I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
