talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
