dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
