i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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