Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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