I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
