Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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