Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He felt like a one man threesome
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
