Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
