Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
