are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
