Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
If I die, sorry about rent.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
