omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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