I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
