Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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