ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
