My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
