You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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