He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
