i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
