I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
