Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
