I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
