We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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