And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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