The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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