Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
