I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
sick fucks of a feather flock together
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
