if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
