Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
