Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
