That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
