I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
