please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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