if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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