State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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