She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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