It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
