Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
