you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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