There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
