i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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