dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
