are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
